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iErnest

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[11 Mar 2009|12:39am]
 Where is the Passion and the Drive? What happened to my motivation to serve? Thats what I need to find. and It wont be Where I am now.
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[24 Jan 2009|03:08am]
Have you ever tried to forget your feelings? Seperate Mind, from Body, from Soul?.

Have you ever Feel That you have already failed before you tried?

Have You ever seen your destiny go into two different, but desirable paths?

Welcome to the Confusion the Is My life.

Some one Please. Change it all.
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[30 Nov 2008|03:40am]
 

Do I really go for "impossible" girls?
Or
Are they girls that are ""impossible" for me?
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[07 Nov 2008|12:14am]
My predicament is a huge one


I want to make a move. I want to say what I need to say. I want to be close with you
But I don't want to make a move. I don't want to say what I need to say. I don't want to be close with you.


its not that I am not confident. I just dont wanna be a distraction. You should focus on what you need to focus on rather then me distracting you, and you distracting me. I'll tell you when You have the time...

Just gonna think about youl
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Eulogy of the Living [11 Oct 2008|01:19am]
[ mood | amused ]

I'm not here to seek absolution for something I did not do. I am here to speak a wordless decree.


You will be safer here )


I refuse to give my support to people who don't wanna support me. So I give you a countdown, If you read this note. then show it to the necessary people who you think you need to know this. In 82 days you will see what happens.




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I hear voices in my head.... They console me.... cause you never would. [09 Oct 2008|12:52am]
SEN5ES

I hear the words of those people who don't care about me.
I see the faces of those who can live without me.
I can feel the teardrops hitting the pavement as you cry out wishing this would end.
I can smell the fear of  being alone for eternity, locked up inside your mind.
I can taste defeat at the hands of those who already lost.
Wake up, and remember your Senses
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[05 Oct 2008|02:33pm]
Shit is so gonna hit the fan.

It sucks being a part of the clean up crew
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whats teh points... [04 Oct 2008|09:06pm]
If no one wants to fill me in with important details that i should at least know, then what the point of being a leader.

Like honestly, what the fuck. If im not going to be a part, give me some knowledge of whats going on, so i can inform my people.





Im not gonna lie. I will acknowlede this. I am not in the right state of mind, to lead.
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[19 Sep 2008|03:06am]
why is it that I can't feel loved love in general....

I can't feel that  I am love, nir  can I feel that I am loving something or someone.There's no love what so ever withing in me... or is there. I think that there are those who love me, but i cant feel their love. Is it something with me personally? or is it something that is external and its not my fault. I can spend weeks just by myself with out anyone's care, but I choose to walk  in ignorance.. Why is it. And Who's the blind one, those who see it but choose to ignore it, or those who cat's see it but know its there.

Am I due for something, or am I stuck feeling this..


How come im not loved..... how come no one wants to show it... and they choose to ingore me....

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[19 Sep 2008|12:52am]
So. I finally started school... and thus summer is finally over or me. a break from school for about... 9 months. A long 9 months.

This summer for me, however, wasn't a really good one. Even though I turned 19, I did not celebrate it until the end of the summer. The reason being the death my Rosario "Inay" Cuenca, my grandmother, who died on my birthday.  it had not hit me until i finally saw her in her casket that she was gone. But that week was also part of the camp prep. Serving at a camp never felt so easy role wise, being a overseer, but it was hard for me spiritually and mentally, I serverd the Lord through my mourning and prayed through my Lonleyness. But still, Those feelings were never comforted.... i  didn't have a shoulder to cry on... just a wall to lean on..

____________________________________________________

Edit... i dont wanna lose this, but i need to move on...


shizzzz

life is sucking right now... I feel so damn alone....

At least i didnt go thru with it.... it would of been such a mistake...

But still... For some reason .. i cant see myself with anyone...


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retro spectacular [27 Aug 2008|11:25pm]
Looking back at my old posts and notes, from Facebook and LJ, I realized what I've written...

just to share my favourite two.

Jan 7/08

Heres a post
thats I urge people to read.

The first post of 2k8, and I've decided to make it a devotional.


If you noticed the link, the title of this devotional is called " In the Actions of Saint Joseph". For those unsure who Saint Joseph is, he is the husband of Mary, and foster-father to Jesus. But more importantly, he was the Protector of the Holy Family. He was the one who God entitled of the protection of Mary and Jesus. He is not to be confused with Saint Joseph of Arimathea.

St . Joseph was basically" just a man", but he did extraordinary things. And like I said, he was the Protector of the Holy Family, and that brings me to my point of focus. The Protector. Being a protector, in this day and age, is something that people think relates to physical well-being, specifically, in such case as Police officers. However, that leaves a hole in the defense, cause there is still the Spiritual and Mental well-beings that still has to be protected. As brothers and sisters of Christ, This is where we come in.

It is a proven fact that people need to have some sort of interpersonal contact to be truly healthy. This relationship with others determine our well-beings as well. Whether we end up with a bad physical, spiritual, and/or mental health is up to those who we choose to affiliate ourselves with. And for those affiliated with us, it is we who determine their physical, spiritual, and/or mental health. This is why we need to be a protector, just like Saint Joseph. We need to protect those around us, ensuring their well-being, on all three aspects. And we don't do that enough. We think that one is enough. But what about the other two.

Take this situation, for example. There is a castle built on the side of a mountain, where the King of the kingdom was situated. This Castle only had three walls, because no one could climb over the mountain. However, the kingdom was under attack, and the castle was soon going to be invaded. The castle began to set up defense, but soon realized that they did not have enough to defend all three sides. So the Kingdom appealed to two other Kingdoms for help. One kingdom sent aid , and soon, they had enough to defend two walls. However, the third kingdom did not send any help to defend the castle. and soon the siege of the castle began, and shortly after the castle was lost, and the king was exiled out of the kingdom..

We are the kingdoms of the example, if it was not obvious already. the Castle represents our lives. the King represents Jesus, the mountain represents God, and the entity attacking the kingdom is the devil. The three walls represent our physical, mental, and spiritual well beings.
In our lives ( castle) , we are rooted in God ( the mountain) with Christ( the king) within us. the three well-beings (walls) help keep Christ in our lives, but the devil (entity) is constantly attacking us, and that is why we need others (other kingdoms) to help us to keep Christ with in us
So this is why we need to follow in the footsteps of Saint Joseph. We need to make sure of the well beings of others.

Being a protector helps keeps Chris in our lives as well as others.

Guys part.

To the fellow Brothers in Christ.

God has given us an important Gift. Love. God wants us to Love one another. and that brings us to another point. A relationship with a significant other. This is a key point , as a brother, to be a "Saint Joseph". Saint Joseph protected Mother Mary, and so we must protect our significant other. THis should also motivate us to find that someone, to find our " Mary", and not to settle for a temporary. We need to not only protect our significant other, but to protect ourselves in order to keep the relationship focused on God. So thats why we need a "Mary" not a "Tila"


So as I leave off. I pray that you take this to heart. and spread this to others that you know. And May God bless you till the end of you days.

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.

God, the Father of Heaven, have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, One God, have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, pray for us.
St. Joseph, pray for us.
Renowned offspring of David, pray for us.
Light of Patriarchs, pray for us.
Spouse of the Mother of God, pray for us.
Chaste guardian of the Virgin, pray for us.
Care father of the Son of God, pray for us.
Diligent protector of Christ, pray for us.
Head of the Holy Family, pray for us.
Joseph most just, pray for us.
Joseph most chaste, pray for us.
Joseph most prudent, pray for us.
Joseph most strong, pray for us.
Joseph most obedient, pray for us.
Joseph most faithful, pray for us.
Mirror of patience, pray for us.
Lover of poverty, pray for us.
Model of artisans, pray for us.
Glory of home life, pray for us.
Guardian of virgins, pray for us.
Pillar of families, pray for us.
Solace of the wretched, pray for us.
Hope of the sick, pray for us.
Patron of the dying, pray for us.
Terror of demons, pray for us.
Protector of Holy Church, pray for us.

Lamb of God, who take away the sins of the world, spare us, O Lord!.
Lamb of God, who take away the sins of the world, graciously hear us, O Lord!.
Lamb of God, who take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V. He made him the lord of his household.
R. And prince over all his possessions.

Let us pray. O God, in your ineffable providence you were pleased to choose Blessed Joseph to be the spouse of your most holy Mother; grant, we beg you, that we may be worthy to have him for our intercessor in heaven whom on earth we venerate as our Protector: You who live and reign forever and ever. R. Amen.

 

Nov 15/07

 

Love. The one thing that people strive for that they can never obtain. People think of it as a journey one must take, a feat that one must conquer, or even an object that people want to posses. And I am one of those who thought that about love.

But I realized a lot over the past few weekends.

This is a bit redundant, but when people speak about love, they don't realize what true love is. But what is love? GOD IS LOVE. God is NOT a journey that people must take. God is NOT a feat that must be taken. And God is MOST CERTAINLY NOT an object that must be possessed.

When people look for "love" they go all out. They change their personality, act like a fool, become a slave to others. But the correct way that people should search for love is not anyway that people conventionally do, but PRAY. Don't make her see that you are the one for that person, but let GOD show her. Don't Force love to happen, let GOD happen. Don't look to the crowds, but look to GOD to find the girl of your dreams

 

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[23 Aug 2008|07:54pm]
Part 4

This is my inner sanctum.
My domain that I roam alone. My own little dimension in this life.

And I wonder When I can break free from it
Break free from this self inflicted torment. Cause I'm sick and tired of living this way.
The way that other people want me to live, not the way i want to live.

I need to change my life. Sort through everything and figure out what Exactly do I need, and what is just a waste.
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[21 Aug 2008|11:20pm]
_____________________________________________________________________________
Part 2

I always feel like im always on the outside looking in. I've spent many a day experiencing all that life has But how come i was always feeling alone. I had people who loved me, or who I thought who loved me around me. Maybe I was used to always having a fake sense of love that I automatically dismiss any sign of love, or fake love, and walk alone.

I've never been included in anything that I might have grown accustomed to never letting anybody in.In places where people grew into family, I've always put on that mask, that fake smile. So this smile will always remain.

Its funny how people can take others for granted, receive all the respect, and not give anything in return.




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3


I haven't been eating a lot lately. I haven't been feeling good either.

Feeling good Physically....
Feeling good Mentally....
Feeling good Spiritually....
But Why.....

I hate being left home alone... All Alone...

maybe i suffer from a slight case of isolophobia... fear of being alone...
Or maybe I'm paranoid.. being kept in my cage for so long that I don't want to go out..
I could possibly be delusional, and all this is just a dream..

Or I'm normal, and this is the real world...

Welcome to the outer circle
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[20 Aug 2008|11:47pm]
Do you feel loved?
Do you feel that the people around you always have your back?
Do you feel that everyone respects you?
Do you feel that people listen to every word you say?

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[20 Aug 2008|10:12pm]
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Slowly losing it. [11 Aug 2008|01:07am]
i think im losing my mind.....

So I've come to the realization that people don't really appreciate anything or anyone within on their lives. Everyone assumes that the aspects within their lives are constants, and the only place variables exist is in math. Everything in their universe will reflect the views of the beholder and only changes when their opinions change. There is nothing that can disrupt their views. they just change their views so certain things are no longer within their view.



Just a friend. Always just a friend. I wonder when It is my turn. There is someone for everyone, but it requires a lot of patience and hoping/wishing/dreaming. Yet, during long periods of waiting, you get really frustrated, or you settle for a temporary fix. I wish I had more patience. Cause life sucks royal.
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Giving up completly [09 Aug 2008|10:49am]
Right now...

I am being realistic. I know that there is someone out there for me. but giving the current situations and what not, its she's gonna be very far in my life. possibly. So right now, i stopped looking. cause there is no one for me right now. and it sucks.

----------------
Now playing: NERD - Spazz
via FoxyTunes   
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Life circle.... [29 Jul 2008|10:10pm]
Drinking yesterday was a really good idea. A perfect way to relive myself (though temporarily) of life's problems.


Click )
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[28 Jul 2008|11:45pm]
shoot me in the head.

this is why work is better


----------------
Now playing: Radiohead - Creep
via FoxyTunes   
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By my calculations. [25 Jul 2008|12:06am]
I can't see it.
The most beautiful thing in the world
Is the connection between two people
Given by God
,

But I can't see it.
Unless.
I do something about it.
and say what I need to say
do what I need to do
And move the stars for you
and change my destiny.
so it can cross yours.






lol. random work thought.
and it makes the time feel better when i think about you.
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